Around and round and round it goes where it stops nobody knows….
This tagging thing has got to stop. I’m getting dizzy. I can’t keep track of who in the circle has been tagged or hasn’t and some have been twice so…oooh my…I’m getting off the ride before I swoon.
And for those of you who have no earthly idea what I am talking about, ( and I barely do either) I’ll try to explain because I know that a lot of my readers don’t actually live in blogsville ( Meaning you don’t write your own blogs ( yet- be careful-it’s contagious-ask Jenny!)
In blogsville, the kids go around playing a game called Tag Meme ( Or something like that) where they have to tag each other and then they write a post with 8 things about themselves in it and then tag 8 other people, who then keep the game of tag going even longer. So my wonderful friend Brett tagged me. Thanks Brett. But because I run slow, I have waited and waited and all of our friends have ran around and tagged each other all over and over again and are so tired now that I think they have all fallen over in the grass. Or maybe they have just given up and headed over to Tei’s place at the Lusty Weevil (Adults only Warning- don’t bring your kids or innocent eyes).
So. Being the rebel that I am, I’m not going to follow the rules. This is-after all- Life’s Little Inspirations- not show and tell. But I will play along in my own little fashion and give to you:
Eight Things That Inspire Wendi
Waking up to an amazing sunrise that is spreading out in brilliant colors across the sky and realizing that every day begins with art makes me want to stand on a mountain top and sing like Julie Andrews. Sometimes I do, but I don’t think I sound as good.
Standing with my toes touching a wave in the ocean and thinking that wave is going to go back out into the world and touch everything everywhere because we are all connected.
Holding on to my bible and wondering about the people who took the time to record the stories and the folk-lore and traditions and the laws and how much they understood the importance of words and history and time. did they?
Writing in my journals, asking God for clarification and help to understand a problem, and coming back later and re-reading it, realizing that I DO get it and feeling SO GRATEFUL, like a light-bulb has gone off and I feel like I can fly.
Listening to the wisdom of my elders, who are traveling the road before me, who have learned the lessons I am working through, who inspire me with their dignity, their strength, their laughter, their creativity,their wisdom: My mother, My Mother-in Law, Ms O, so many others…
Talking with, playing with, cuddling with my children and my grandchildren. Children are God’s teachers.They have taught me everything. They fill me up. (ThanksChillies.)
Looking into the eyes of Maggie, my dog. She inspires me with the way she wants to give me everything and love me with her whole heart with pure and simple intent. She is beautiful.
John. My Husband. Our love and partnership gives me power and strength,vision and confidence. Facing each day girded with the strengh of unconditional love, teamwork, like-minded goals and a best friend who believes in me inspires me to make the most of each day. Thank you honey for being you. I love you.
As far as tagging anyone else, you will have to tag yourself. I can’t remember anyone who hasn’t been tagged yet. Except maybe Jenny. Jenny, tag yourself IF you want to. I’m not tagging anyone.
But I would love to hear your comments here about what inspires you. Please share…What fills you with wonder and inspiration?
It isn’t easy balancing all the different areas of our lives. Sometimes it feels as if we are hanging on to a giant bunch of colorful balloons and if we aren’t holding on tightly to every single string then …POOF! There goes all of our balloons up in the air drifting away, heading for the clouds or trees, getting caught up in the branches of life.
Ever felt like a wailing child who’s balloon just went POP? Whaaaaaa, There went my red balloooon……
But Honey…you still have a green one.
But I neeeed my red one tooooo……
Of course you do. We need all of our Balloons. Every single one of them. But somehow, just as you get the air back in the Physical Fitness Balloon the Spend Time with Family Balloon starts sinking slowly to the ground. Then Bob at work signs you up as the team leader for an important project and the Business Balloon gets puffed full of air while the Fitness Balloon takes a nosedive. And that Spiritual Balloon? Comes up only on Sunday. The Finance Balloon? Well, You kick it along on the ground with your toe, just to help it keep up.
Sure, you have goals. But every time you start on a goal, something else seems to suffer. It’s almost frightening to start something new. It’s like planning to fail, you can just feel one of those balloons start to lose air. The question is…which one?
It doesn’t have to be so frightening. ( says the Queen of focus) ( yes, I know, it’s terrifying) There is a way that can help those of us that struggle to keep our balloons in the air. I write this as one who struggles. I write as one who is learning as I go along. Not as an expert. I once said you would never hear about how I am an expert in balance at Life’s Little Inspirations. And you won’t. But I will share what helps a cobbler, cobbling along. Balance is my handicap. I get a new gig and I run full force with two feet forward until I fall down. However, as I learn and grow, I fall faster and get up quicker. I grab my balloon string just as it starts to slip now instead of after the red balloon is gliding off to heaven. I’m learning some tips to help me hang on to my balloons.
I thought I’d share my tips with you, maybe you can share some of yours with me, maybe together we can keep our balloons a little longer!
Wendi’s Tips For Balancing Balloons
Label your balloons clearly. It’s not enough to know that they are the RED Balloon and the GREEN Balloon. Get in touch with your main balloons. What are they? What are the main five to six areas of your life that need your daily focus? What balloons are you trying to keep in the air?
Look at your goals. Name the number 1.2.& 3 goals for each balloon. Now take a good look. Are these connected? Or do they have you running in circles? Try looking for a long term goal, then breaking it down into a ninety day goal. Now what can you do this week to affect that goal? How about today? See the difference? You might want to put the other two goals aside for a bit if they weren’t connected to the long term vision. The point of the exercise is to end up with a short term, a mid-term (90 day) and your long term goal.
Put it in Writing. Now that you have a goal for each balloon, put it in writing. IF YOUR PLAN IS NOT IN WRITING, IT ISN’T A PLAN, ITS A DREAM. Get out your planning calendar and start filling in dates that you will take action on your plan. Seeing an actual appointment on your calendar will hold you more accountable. Write in the TIME that you will do the action. Make the actual appointment. IF it’s not on your calendar, it’s not a plan…if it’s not a plan…it’s a dream. ( Starting to sink in?)
Ask yourself WHY? Why have you made these goals? Staying motivated to keep balanced in all of these goals is difficult. It takes discipline and focus. Staying Motivated is linked to your inner purpose, your inner drive and your passion. No passion = no fuel in the tank to make it happen. Write down the WHY of your goals. “I am doing this because….. ” Make sure you know what your passion is for each one of your balloons. Sometimes we only feel passion for one of our balloons at a time. This is the single largest reason our other balloons start sinking to the ground. Start a sentence for each balloon that says “I am passionate about this because…” and review it daily.
Record and compare & Journal. Track your results in a daily planner or on your calendar. Be accountable to the progress you made in each area. Remember, this isn’t a long list. With only one goal of focus in each area, you are only looking at a few minutes a day. Don’t let yourself get overwhelmed by making your expectations too high. The goal is one bite of the elephant at a time in each area. We aren’t out to eat the entire herd! Journal about your progress and expectations. No matter how it FEELS like it’s going, stay the course! The discipline of sticking it out when the going gets rough brings opportunity and personal growth, whether you meet the original goal or not!.
Create an visual reminder. Draw a chart with the five circles in it, or make a poster board with different color balloons if that helps you. Keep it present, in front of you. Out of sight is out of mind. If you want to make a dry erase board that you can write on every day-go for it! What ever makes it easy for you to envision the balloons that you are trying to keep up.
Keep it fun! You are more likely to stick with something if you are having fun with it. Balloons are fun for me to imagine, But you can turn balloons into whatever is fun for you. Have a good time with it. Running shoes, or Stars or Olympic Circles. One point of the theme that is significant to me is that they are all connected. It reminds me that no part of my life survives untouched without the rest. When my health suffers, my family suffers, when my family suffers, my work suffers. When my work suffers our budget suffers. And around and around it goes.
Balance is important. That doesn’t mean that it will ever be easy for me. I think I’m genetically predisposed to be creative and energetic and run through life like a shooting star. Not so much like a Zen Master. But by finding creative and fun ways to work on balance, I can keep my balloons from floating away.
How about you? How do you keep your balloons from flying off to heaven or running out of air? Please share! We all need the help!
Mother’s Day Weekend is here. It is a special day for me, special because I have been in active duty now for 31 years. Plus 11 years as a grandmother. I wouldn’t trade a single day. Not even the stormy ones.
Yes, it’s true…I had an early start. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and you hit a home run.
Although, I didn’t wake one day and say, “Gee…I think I’ll try being a sixteen year old mom, won’t that be a smart idea!” I did learn more from that rocky road than all of the other hard knock classes I took put together.
I learned about unconditional love. I learned about commitment. I learned about priorities. (You learn about that sort of thing in the middle of the night with an asthmatic child who can’t breathe and you haven’t slept in three days.) I learned about money. I learned about not having any.
Yep…kids teach you everything. All of mine have taught me new things. My oldest, being the pioneer daughter, blazing the trail for the others, had it the hardest. She had to dig her way through the hardest clay, my skills as a parent, untried and alone for the most part. We experimented together. Frick and frack, figuring it out as we went along. We learned a lot together. The rest of them should send her Mother’s day cards.
When she was 16, she wrote a poem and gave it to me for Mother’s Day.
I appeared like lightning piercing the sky;
Greatly unexpected, a hindrance was I.
Washing away goals, changing dreams like the tide,
I crushed her youth the moment I arrived.
But her love flourished with each passing day,
As she accepted her life, the gift that I gave.
Our life was not charted, predicted, or planned;
We faced our troubles hand in hand.
They flooded our lives, right from the start,
But made us two people; stronger of heart.
She welcomed my presence for she did know,
That when a storm goes by, it leaves a rainbow.
I CRIED……
But it was true. All of my children are exquisite rainbows with the most glorious colors in the universe.
I know that all of the mothers out there feel the same way about their rainbows too. So for mothers everywhere this weekend, I am sharing my gratitude for all of our children and for everything they have taught us, shown us and shared with us.
Can you all hear me? OK good. I would like to thank everyone for coming to Life’s Little Inspirations today. It’s wonderful to see so many familiar faces here and welcome to everyone who is here for the first time! Let’s get started then. Quiet, now. Shhhh, we are getting started a little late so I want to get going. If you can all pull your chairs up nice and close and make room for those who are standing in the back of the room that would be great. Wonderful. Thanks.
Today we will be discussing the Art of Listening with Ears Wide Open. However, before we begin, I would like to present you with an example of what passes for listening a great deal of time in our very busy, over stimulated culture and one very creative man’s solution for handling the situation.
Sir… could get the lights in the back of the room? …Thanks.
Now, I think we can safely say that this man was listening with his mouth open and his ears closed. In fact, to be more precise, he used an ancient stealth tactic that has been secretly passed down from one generation to the next to get OUT of listening. So, the next time someone suddenly plants a big wet one on you after your long and winding dissertation, do NOT make the leaping assumption that you have just spoken the most inspiring words since Martin Luther King. That person wants you to SHUT UP. They do not care what you have to say.
Kinda hurts your feelings a little bit doesn’t it?
We all want to be heard. There is something inside each and every one of us, a little voice crying out to be heard, thinking it isn’t all that interesting, all that important. So it sits there. Waiting for it’s turn. OR it jumps in, interrupting at odd times and then runs out of steam, never quite gathering up the full power of confidence without the other half of the equation. Someone who takes the time to listen.
The highest compliment you will ever pay another human being is to take the time to actively listen, actively observe, actively care about what is important to that other person. Focus on them. Listen to them. Care about them.
There are many different levels of listening and we go in and out of them several times a day.
Perhaps most frequently in our instant pudding society, we do what I call our:
Scan Listening: We use our ears these days the same way we use our eyes to read. We are too busy to read every word so we scan through what we are reading for relevant details while we are multi-tasking. We do it with our ears too. We do it while our children are talking, while the wife/husband is filling us in on the day and we are cooking/changing/ getting ready for the next transition in our over packed schedule. You can be sure you did it when you hear the words, “Honey, I just told you that.” ” You did?…I don’t think so…I would have remembered.”
No you wouldn’t have. You were reading the paper/computer. You only would have remembered if she just told you she won two tickets to your favorite team’s game. You were scanning.
If I ask you how many of you here now think you are all great listeners, a good many of you will be happy to raise your hands.
Go ahead and put them up if you want to. While you have them up, let me ask you a question. During that last example of scanning, how many of you with your hands up, just thought back to an example of the last time you were in a situation of scanning behavior?
OK. Good. Now..for all of you that did, how many of you thought, “That reminds me of the time when so and so said….and then…she said..and then….OH! I wish Wendi would quit talking so that I could have a chance to tell my story. I wonder if I’ll get a chance to raise my hand..will there be comments after????”
Well..yes, there will be comments after, and don’t worry, you are normal. You can put your hands down. That was an example of Reactive Listening, where you are just listening long enough to trigger a response from yourself so that you can share your thought, idea, or in the case of sales people ( and really annoying bad car salesmen) get them to see things your way so that you can get that sale.
What we want to look at today is a form of deeper, more focused listening that has the other person as the center of attention, not us. It isn’t as hard as you might think, you don’t have to be born with it, and with a little practice, you will have moments that will give you very deep inspired connections with others and leave you wondering what you have been listening to all this time.
Got your pens and paper ready?
Keys Points to Listening with Ears Wide Open.
Intuitive Listening
Remember Two ears/ One mouth: It should go without saying that we start here, but somehow it doesn’t seem to be obvious. Sometimes people get hung up on that “Life’s Supposed to be Fair” rule here. Listen close. That rule DOES NOT APPLY HERE. This is not a give and take. They get to talk twice as much as you do. That’s the math equation. If you can get them to talk three times as much, with you just popping in a comment or a question now and them, you are already a pro.
Use Interested Body language Keep your body language calm and relaxed. DO NOT look at your watch or cell phone. (which by the way should be turned off) Lean slightly forward in toward them, showing interest, eyes looking at them, focused on what they are saying. Nothing says “I can’t hear you” more than eyes wandering around a room taking in the environment.
Respect Personal Boundaries Different cultures and different people have personal preferences about their personal boundaries. Get too close or get too far away and you have lost them. Look for the subtle signs of them backing away or moving in to you that will let you know their border preferences.
Be Observant Notice the little things. Watch for the flickers in their eyes when they speak of certain things. Was that painful to them? She just started rubbing her fingers back and forth very quickly and chewing her gum faster..hmmm. But she seems calm. Mixed signals? What ISN’T he saying?
Listen for meaning Listen for what they meant to say, not what they said. Don’t assume. If you aren’t absolutely sure, ASK. In this growing multi-cultural world, different places may have slightly different meanings. Heck, maybe even in your own backyard pub. Here is an example a few of you may recall:
Coach: Can I draw you a beer Norm?
Norm: No, I know what they look like, just pour me one.
Poor Norm. He thought he was listening. Oh well. At least he got his beer.
Ask Open-ended questions Asking open-ended questions and questions that clarify what it was they meant let’s them know you are interested and gives them permission to continue. It draws them out and helps them to think through their own thoughts on the subject. They may not have even known how they felt until you helped them to think it all through. You don’t even need to give your opinion, just letting them sort through their own opinion with a good pair of ears is a huge help!
Empathize not Sympathize, and DO NOT JUDGE! They don’t want or need your pity, and they don’t want to be judged. Accept what they tell you unconditionally. Offer your understanding. If you have had a similar experience, share a short, abbreviated version so they can see you really do understand but don’t let it slip into an opportunity to become all about you and don’t give advice unless asked. Be very careful about giving any advice that could be seen as professional advice unless you are a professional. You are here to listen, not give medial opinion. It’s a slippery slope. Don’t get caught going down that hill.
They don’t care what you know until they know that you care.
It is argued who was the first to say that quote, but it isn’t argued how true it is. If people feel that you don’t or won’t take the time to listen to them, then what you in effect have said is-I don’t love you, you don’t matter to me, you aren’t important enough to me to give up my time, my energy or my attention. I’d rather look at strangers on Twitter, Facebook, You Tube or the Boob Tube than to pay attention to you.
Kinda hurts your feelings a little bit doesn’t it?
Please….go out and pay someone the compliment of listening with ears wide open. It is one of the most loving, kindest, caring things you can do for another human being.
If you have missed the story of Jason McElwain, take a minute to watch this short video about this amazing young man. Warning…Kleenex alert ahead…..
I could just stop right there. Say THE END. There is plenty of inspiration to the story without adding a single word. It is really very remarkable and heart-warming. But something really struck me about this story that didn’t stand out right away with all the *Rockyness* and miracle of it.
The fact that J-Mac as they called him, was even there is an amazing thing. How many of us, how many kids, after being turned away, after failing to make the team, year after year, only being 5′6, let alone being autistic, would have stuck that out in this instant pudding world of give me my glory right now?
My friend Brett, Over at Six Weeks says “Fail Early, Fail Often”- but hey, come on now, at some point, the majority of us would have said,”Um, I really wanted to play ball here…so if you’re not gonna let me have a turn…Um…I think I’ll just mosey on over and try somethin’ else.”
Nope. J-Mac had Sticking Power. J-Mac understood the magic of Staying Put. He didn’t have an agenda. He loved the sport and he wanted to be a part of it. Every SINGLE year he gave it his best shot and then played the card he was given with a winning attitude.
” At 5′6 he didn’t make the Junior Varsity Basketball team. Instead he became the team manager. The role he has now played for the varsity as a Senior. In the last three years, in his white shirt and his black tie, he’s missed only one game.”
He approached his job not as someone who had no options left, not as someone sulking or bitter because his dream of playing ball could never come true. Not as someone with limited options in life.
He approached his work with pride and privilege. Proud to be doing his part to make the team the best it could be.
In his own words:
What I tried to do is set up the clocks, get the water for the games and be enthusiastic.
It was his job to be enthusiastic. And he was proud and happy to do it.
I’m just normal like other people. That’s the way I am
Well……..actually??? Jason…what I’m thinking is….maybe not. Maybe you are a whole lot of something more.
While we “normal” people are out here whining and griping about what we didn’t get and how our *luck* ran out, and how It isn’t fair, and how “One of these days our ship is going to come in” , and “You’ll see, I’ll show that SOB…I’ll make him/her PAY for not giving me that Promotion/job/pay raise/(fill-in-the blank-with-what ever you might be feeling sorry for yourself for…)” You, JASON, were out there day in and day out giving it your best shot with an enthusiastic, wonderful attitude, GRATEFUL to be around the game that you love, expecting nothing in return except the privilege of showing up the next day too.
The Attitude of Staying Put. Of Giving it all You’ve Got. With Love. With Gratitude.
Did somebody speed up my clock? I swear I just wrote the last weekend post a minute ago. And here it is May already. How are your 2008 goals coming along? We are almost half way into the second quarter. Time to start working on our first half of the year review to see if the year is moving along as nicely as we would like. There’s still time to get that train on the right track!
As May comes into focus, Life’s Little Inspirations is chugging right along. Welcome to everyone who has just started visiting, and thank you for being here. I am SO happy that you have found us and I hope you will feel comfortable pulling up a chair, posting your thoughts and comments and being a part of the community.
My deep desire is for everyone to feel like they can participate, chat amongst yourselves and share your tips and ideas with each other. By learning how we all deal with some of life’s challenges together, we can all help each other grow. I love getting your feedback and ideas! To my faithful readers who have been posting all along from the beginning, thank you for your loyalty and encouragement. I couldn’t be doing this without you!
Please consider subscribing (up in the top corner) so that you won’t miss any posts! And let me know if there are any topics that you are interested in me and I’ll put them on the list! As always, I am interested in your feedback so I can continue to improve and make this site as great as it can be.
Thanks for visiting.
And now…
Poetry time!
This week, I chose a poem from Sir Walter Raleigh. There are all types of false loves in our lives. Not only the false people in our lives that are the obvious villains of distraction and pain, but what about the time wasters? What about those seemingly important activities and situations, those hobbies and habits that are keeping us away from living the lives of our dreams? Can you bid farewell? I know that I am going to resolve to do better this next week. Want to join me?
A Farewell to False Love
Farewell, false love, the oracle of lies,
A mortal foe and enemy to rest,
An envious boy, from whom all cares arise,
A bastard vile, a beast with rage possessed,
A way of error, a temple full of treason,
In all effects contrary unto reason.
A poisoned serpent covered all with flowers,
Mother of sighs, and murderer of repose,
A sea of sorrows whence are drawn such showers
As moisture lend to every grief that grows;
A school of guile, a net of deep deceit,
A gilded hook that holds a poisoned bait.
A fortress foiled, which reason did defend,
A siren song, a fever of the mind,
A maze wherein affection finds no end,
A raging cloud that runs before the wind,
A substance like the shadow of the sun,
A goal of grief for which the wisest run.
A quenchless fire, a nurse of trembling fear,
A path that leads to peril and mishap,
A true retreat of sorrow and despair,
An idle boy that sleeps in pleasure’s lap,
A deep mistrust of that which certain seems,
A hope of that which reason doubtful deems.
Sith then thy trains my younger years betrayed,
And for my faith ingratitude I find;
And sith repentance hath my wrongs betrayed,
Whose course was ever contrary to kind:
False love, desire, and beauty frail, adieu.
Dead is the root whence all these fancies grew.
You can do anything you want in life, you just can’t do everything all at once. ~ Bobbi LaBelle
Hanging above my desk on a bright red ribbon, is a large heavy square bronze medal. It is one of my most treasured possessions. Engraved on it are the words:
24th Columbus Marathon
October 19th 2003
FLAT FAST FUN
It was fun. It was one of the funnest days of my life.
Note the date: 2003.
I ask myself, “Self? If that was one of the funnest days of your life, why exactly is it that the marathon medal is hanging up there all by itself without a gaggle of others to keep it company?”
Self answers, “Well, you see Wendi, Life keeps getting in the way. There was this thing and that thing and you already know about that major one thing and then after that…”
Uh huh…
So I still run…sorta…now and then…well…I can run…I mean I could…I mean…I’m gonna start again…probably tomorrow……..
My son has his Black belt in karate. For four years, four days a week, I took him to class and sat on a bench. I always joke that I have my black belt in karate sitting. One day I got tired of sitting there so I joined myself. By the time he graduated with his black belt, I was an orange belt. I loved Karate. It made me feel strong, invincible. It played to my strength of being singularly focused and in the zone. As a past attack victim, it made me feel empowered and It was a perfect sport for me. Yet, somehow, though I was motivated to take him every single day for four years, after he didn’t go anymore, life got in the way for me. I missed one class then two. Then the kids had to go somewhere so I took them to that. When it was time to sign up again in the summer I told myself I would come back in the fall, that summers were too busy. I have been an orange belt for six years. The belt hangs in the closet staring at me every day wondering what the heck I am waiting for. I tell it to shut up- I’m too busy.
Sometimes life gets in the way. Sometimes you have to let it. Sometimes life moves on and what you wanted to be a priority has to go by the wayside for awhile. As much as we would like to have life be exactly what we want, exactly the moment that we want it, the timing isn’t right and we have to stop flailing our arms and legs in the water and just catch the drift. Sit back and see where it is we are SUPPOSED to be. Stop fighting the current.
Other times, it is exactly the OPPOSITE. We know exactly what our dreams and goals are, the timing IS perfect, serendipity is upon us and the only one we have to blame for not getting where we want to be is us. We start out all pumped up, excited full of the dream, eyes on the target, plan in hand and set out to go. Like a runner you start running toward the goal. It feels great. The next day too. The third day- a little sore. The fourth day, you press on… The fifth day your brain has several excuses and is arguing with you all the way out the door. A little voice sits on your shoulder, explaning the value of a rest day. You tell it to shut up and press on again. If you make it through days seven, eight and nine, you’ve warmed up the water nice and slow and you start to feel pretty good. You are in the groove and the habit starts to form. If you can make it to the thirtieth day, you are golden.
But one day, you just don’t do it. Maybe you get a cold. A week stretches out in front of you. The week after that is vacation. So that week is gone too. When you come home the week after, you promised to paint the siding all week long. You promise yourself you will get up first thing Monday morning…but when the time comes…you smack the snooze button. Maybe tomorrow…
Habits are like slow cooking frogs. They say that if you put a frog in pot of boiling water it will jump right out. But if you warm up the water slowly, it will just stay there until it dies. The frog won’t even notice that the water is heating up. It is almost painless. It happens just a little at a time, slowly but surely.
You can grow a habit the same way. It doesn’t happen in a day or the next. But day by day if you stick with it, a little at a time, you can slowly grow your habit almost painlessly. By the time you have reached 30 days, your subconscious mind will believe you have been doing it forever and propel you to continue. It will seem strange to you NOT to do your habit. The trick is to do just a little bit. Just a tiny little bit, slowly so you hardly notice, and build from there. Like cooking frogs.
The bad news is you can kill a habit the same way. So you have to be careful with your habits. You have to focus on them. You have to keep them in review and pay attention to them. You have to stay committed to them.
I didn’t stop running over night after my marathon. I loved running. It was a joy. I never stopped on purpose. I never even NOTICED that I wasn’t running any more. Just like the frogs who didn’t notice their water warming up, I didn’t notice my water getting cold. But it did. Slowly over time, my frog water got cold because I stopped paying attention to it. It wasn’t boiling anymore. If I want to get back to being a marathon runner, I have to heat it up again. I have to focus on it. It needs to be a priority and I need to be willing to commit to it and put it at the top of the list. I have to be able to say, “Self, we are going to become a runner again. In order to do that, we have to heat up the water a little each day. Are you with me?”
And Self has to agree. If Self can’t make a commitment…there is no point in boiling up those frogs. There are too many other things on the list that have to get done.
This is an important point. You can do anything you want in life, you just can’t do everything all at once.
The person that taught me that is my mother, Bobbi LaBelle, one of the smartest women I ever met. She raised three young kids as a single mother while working double shifts in a glass jar factory. She saved up enough money, and had enough guts to get out of there and open her own Beauty Shop. The place was tiny but so successful that people were waiting outside to get in. She bought a new place four times the size and has been there for 30 years. She is one of the most creative, resourceful, talented and amazing people I have ever met. But one of the first things she ever taught me was to focus. Be committed to what you are doing. Give it 110 percent of your energy and you will have an excellent chance of success. Keep at it and don’t give up.
So, somewhere along the line I lost my focus on both my running and my karate. The water got cold and I got no cooked frogs. I can honestly say that the timing still isn’t right for me to go back to karate. I know the focus that it would take for that and I am not willing to heat up that pot of water right now. I will someday, so that belt can just keep on hanging there to remind me.
As I examine my priorities, I see that I have several pots on the stove going at the same time.
The Mom Pot
The Wife Pot
The Writer Pot
The Wendi Pot
The Director Pot
I open the lid of the Wendi pot and I take a peek inside. Hmmm. It looks like the area of *maintain personal health and exercise* is cooling down a bit and those frogs are getting a bit jumpy. I ask Self if it’s with me and Self says YES.
It looks like running just got moved back up the priority list again.
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.
~Robert Benchley
Why is it that when I am supposed to be cleaning the house, I am compelled to write, when I am supposed to be writing, I am compelled to clean, when I am supposed to be working in the garden, I wish to be indoors, when I am supposed to be working indoors, my nose is pressed against the glass, gazing at the garden?
We don’t even need to get into checking the e-mail do we????
Procrastination.
I was supposed to write this yesterday but I procrastinated and took a nap. Then I checked my e-mail and twiddled my thumbs. I was still tired. What’s a girl to do? It was a bad day. It started with no coffee and went downhill from there.
It happens to the best of us ( and that ain’t necessarily me) once in awhile. It happens to the rest of us now and then. It happens to a few of us all the time. And that’s when the big trouble starts.
Procrastination sucks the life out of dreams, hopes, goals and plans. It is a monster that ruins marriages, friendships, business partnerships, and any other type of relationship you can have. It can get you fired. It can ruin your reputation.
Ahhhhh, no it won’t…not me…I can handle it, I’ve been doing it all my life. I did all my term papers the night before; I juggle ten things at once, pull all nighters for important company projects, and own stock in every caffeine drink there is.
Oh yeah?
I know you. You drive the people around you crazy. They just are too nice to tell you. Or if they tell you, it goes in one ear and out the other. You live on adrenaline and you make us live on it too. Even though we don’t want to. You spend your life living like a fire truck, putting out fires, one after the other, swinging your hose all over the place, getting everything wet.
Well guess what. It isn’t as productive as you think it is. Everything is piled up and your dreams and hopes and goals are all piled up too. And you are ticking everyone off. However productive you think you are, you could get more done, if you had a little planning and weren’t wasting so much time twiddling your thumbs before you started driving that fire truck all over the dang town.
Besides. Other then that awesome adrenaline rush and King of the Hill feeling every time you’ve pulled it off again…( don’t ask me how I know that) you know that it really does make you feel rather bad and tarnishes your self esteem quite a bit the rest of the time. It’s like a drug. It may feel good for a few minutes, but it just isn’t good for you. It needs to stop if you want to do your best work.
OK LECTURE OVER— on to the helpful part…
How to Stop Procrastinating
The first key to stop procrastinating is to determine what type of procrastinator you are.
The experts have their Doc opinions but for us simpler folk, I’ve narrowed it down to these categories.
The Rebel This is mine- I’ll go first. I rebel against everything, even lists I made myself. As SOON as I make something my first priority on the top of the list, there is a nasty little excuse monster that starts up in my head that has a reason- and dang if it isn’t a GOOD reason- that I really should be doing something else first instead. I work, hard too, I just am doing something else other than what I was supposed to get done. I just don’t like to follow orders. I want to be free to wander about unstructured. I…am…a…brat. You would think a person would grow out of this. But I am loosing hope.
The Thumb Twiddler This poor guy’s got it bad. It is the “In a minute” syndrome. “I’m just going to sit here and twiddle my thumbs and read one more e-mail, watch one more minute of soaps, read one more chapter. This person’s behind never leaves the chair. There is no time management because there is no sense of time. Time is twiddled away and at the end of the day, they are shocked to find out that the day has left and they don’t even know where it went.
The Adrenaline Junkie It takes a strong shot of the “juice” to motivate this one. Just looking at the “To do” list doesn’t quite do it. Somewhere along the line they lost their ability to move without a swift kick in the rear. All the other categories default to this eventually, the difference is, that while most of us hate it when we find ourselves here, the junkie lives for it.
The Cowardly Lion This fellow would love to get things done-if only he could decide what to do. The last thing he wants to do is procrastinate. He is just waiting until he gets the job done perfectly. Fear of failure is paralyzing the Lion and keeping him tied up in ropes.
Once you have identified which type of procrastinator you are you can take steps to work on helpful hints to undo it. Procrastinators aren’t born. It is a learned behavior. That’s the good news! It can be unlearned. It is based on habits and conscious and unconscious beliefs that we have about ourselves that keep us circling in destructive patterns. By becoming proactive, we can fight procrastination and reach our goals.
You may have felt like you have identified with more than one or that you thought of more. That’s OK. Whatever the list sparked for you, write it down and see what insight you just got. The important thing is recognizing the key patterns of behavior so that we can begin to take charge of it.
Here are some tips to take charge of each of the four basic types of procrastinators.
The Rebel Be prepared! Awareness is the biggest part of the cure. As soon as you know that little voice is coming, you’ve already won because you are not caught off guard. Also plan your list carefully and plan it ahead of time. Make sure that your list is prioritized so that it truly has the A+ priorities in the right order so you aren’t second guessing yourself in the moment. Remind yourself-over and over-if you have to, that you have a choice, you are free to choose and you are choosing to keep your eyes on the goal, and that you want to be the best you can be. Give yourself rewards for sticking to the list. After each one is checked off, take a timed five to ten minute break, and tell yourself what a great job you did. You earned it and you love being your own boss! Then get to the next one, check that clock and see how quickly you can get that task done so you can get to that next break! After all, you are the boss! (By the way, I took my break at Dave Naverro’s site today. When you are done here go there. He has a really good article today about motivation.)
The Thumb Twiddler Look, here is the bad news. You have to go cold turkey. You need to identify your time wasters and put them aside until after you get some work done. Do not touch them even for one second. Remember when your Mom told you to eat your vegetables first and then you can eat your dessert? Well she was right. But it doesn’t have to be quite as bad as all that. You do have to eat your veggies first, but you don’t have to eat everything on your plate all in one sitting. Part of your trouble is you feel so overwhelmed by the big picture that you never start. We are going to break it up. This is the FLyLady fifteen minute rule and it’s brilliant. You just can’t sit down on your Bum until you’ve started, OK? Good. Go get a Timer. Set it for Fifteen Minutes. NOW START Your Project and don’t stop until the timer goes off. Now you can take a timed break and then set it for a new fifteen minutes and work again. Honestly, I think you should go to the FlyLady website right now. You need her if you are a Thumb Twiddler.
The Adrenaline Junkie First realize your addiction is to the thrill, not the procrastination. Now, here’s the deal. Take up bungee jumping and get your work done! OR Do something crazy like my friend Brett at Six Weeks. ( Don’t click on that link until we’re done here- you’re just trying to get out of this) Make a deal with yourself. Give yourself something to look forward to. Barter yourself. Say- “Self- here’s the deal. We are going to set up a new deadline on that project for one week early and the next day after we finish it, we are going to roll down a hill in a giant Hamster ball.” (Ask Brett, OK, you can click on the link, but come right back.) Put up a picture of the giant hamster ball on your mirror where you brush your teeth. Put it on the fridge. Make it visual. Put it all over. You need the constant rush of looking at it everywhere or it will wear off and you won’t stay motivated to get your work done. Keep yourself inspired with excitement not related to your work! Also, you might want to examine why it is that your work isn’t exciting to you. Are you avoiding doing it because it is the wrong work for you altogether? Does your personality need something else? We weren’t all put here to sit at a desk. Take a good look inside. Don’t avoid the big questions.
The Cowardly Lion You, my friend, are a perfectionist. I know that you are looking all around you at your stacks of unfinished work and mess and clutter and you are shaking your head no and thinking….oh, she is talking about somebody else. No…I am talking about you. Yes, Felix from The Odd Couple was a perfectionist, and that is who we tend to think of when we use that term, but there is another perfectionist and that is the one who so wants to be perfect and so fears messing up and is so afraid that the world will see our flaws that we freeze like a deer in headlights and don’t get anything done. So do this one thing. Start. Just start. And know that you are going to fail at it a little bit anyway so it won’t matter. Just say to yourself…good enough is better than not doing it at all. Pick JUST one thing-set the timer for fifteen minutes and Get started. By the way, Flylady is an expert on perfectionists. She can really help you too.
I am sure that this isn’t an exhaustive list. There is a lot more. This is a drop in the bucket. There are posts and posts to be written on each one of these. What are some of the things that you do to fight procrastination? Which ones do you identify with? How do you manage time?
Speaking of time….I have to go……
I promised Dave I would come back. Want to come with? click on the link below
But don’t forget to leave a comment first if you want to, and subscribe too if you want in the top corner!
We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others giving away the last piece of bread. They may have been few in number- but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.
~Victor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
Somewhere around the age thirteen, something inside of my brain must have gone haywire. Although it wasn’t readily apparent to me, my mother was instantly aware of the break down and went on HIGH ATTACK MODE to get this offending part of my brain back in working order. The offensive part of my brain no longer working was my ATTITUDE.
IT needed a changing.
I know this because she told me. Daily. Sometimes hourly.
“You better change your at-it-ude young Lady……” she glared at me, eyes narrowed, finger wagging…
” And just how do I DO that…specifically?” I would retort, I admit with a high level of sarcasm, but also with a great deal of confusion. I had no idea what an ATTITUDE was. Let alone, any clue of how to CHANGE it. This ongoing conversation befuddled my mind. My attitude was obviously wrong, up to no good, and in need of fixing. It was also…out of MY CONTROL. Because at the age of thirteen, I had no idea that attitude could be changed, controlled, or corrected.
In fact, I still didn’t understand it for several years after that. By seventeen, I found out that I had a “CHIP” on my shoulder as well. How the heck that got there, I hadn’t a clue. Must have grown there as a result of my broken and bad at-ti-tude. All I knew was that I didn’t put it there. It sure as HECK wasn’tMY fault. And whoever had put it there, could just come and take it off themselves, it wasn’tMY problem…cause I didn’t CARE what other people thought. I was busy doing my own thing.
I would like to tell you that one day I woke up with a wonderful epiphany that miraculously saved me from my rotten disposition and knocked the chip off my shoulder, but unfortunately it took me becoming a student in a long-term program at the School of Hard Knocks. In fact I signed up for my PhD. What I realized as I went from one trial and tribulation to the next in the exciting adventure that became the LIFE OF WENDI is that no matter how hard things got to be, I was -in fact- in charge of how I felt about it and what I was going to do about it. I learned that I had choices. I could choose how I wanted to react and that the choices I made directly affected the outcome and other people’s reactions.
Hmmm.
There was that old cause and affect thing my ol’ mom had been trying to lecture me about the whole time…
As a Man Thinketh so He is…
Hmmm…
Attitude.
You can change your attitude by changing your thoughts. If you can choose your thoughts, you can choose your attitude. By choosing your attitude, you can affect your outcomes. By affecting your outcomes, you can change your life. By changing your life, you change lives for everyone.
In the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey explains Victor Frankl’s experience in the Nazi concentration camps. Frankl, both a psychiatrist and a Jew, was imprisoned along with his wife, parents, brother and sister. His parents, brother and wife all died in the camps, or were sent to the gas ovens. Frankl suffered the tortures and inhuman indignities, never knowing from one day to the next what his fate would be. Victor Frankl realized in the midst of such horror that in the moment between the stimulus and the response there was a fundamental principle about the nature of man… the freedom to choose.
When I made this discovery in my own life, somewhere in my young-twenties, my life took on a drastic turn. No longer was I a victim, blowing in the wind, feeling angry at the twists and turns that life had DONE to me. I was in control. I had choices. I could forgive. I could choose to forget and move on. I could just let go and think about something else. Move forward. Make a plan.
Make a life. Change my attitude. Get happy.
No more chip on my shoulder.
It isn’t easy. Sometimes we don’t really know what we are thinking. Sometimes we don’t always know what we are feeling. A little later in my life, a decade or so later, my train got off track. I didn’t notice right away. I thought I was happy. I wanted to be happy. I was successful. That felt euphoric. I confused that with happy. I didn’t pay attention. I didn’t listen to my inside voices. I stuffed them down. I stuffed in food instead. I got more successful. I also got more large. I got more confused. I ate more food. I got more successful. I got less happy. I got FAT. I got a BAD FAT ATTITUDE.
I had no idea what was wrong. I didn’t know why I was sad, why my life was a big mess, why I was miserable and why everyone else thought I was a big huge wonderful success.
I wasn’t making choices anymore. I was reacting to life, not choosing life. I wasn’t listening to my inner voices, I wasn’t choosing to have good thoughts, I wasn’t paying attention to what internal scripts were running around in my head or whether or not I was going to let them play in there. I was blowing in the wind again.
I started paying attention. Making choices. I lost 50 pounds. Changed jobs. Put my family first. Changed my life so that it reflected my values and principles, not a paycheck. I got happy again.
Are you blowing in the wind? Are you making choices? Or are you just reacting to choices that other people are making for you? You can choose your attitude. You can change your life. You have the freedom to choose.
Where are the areas of your life that you have learned the lessons of choice? Where are the areas that you still can work on choosing?
We begin to see, therefore, the importance of selecting our environment with the greatest of care, because environment is the mental feeding ground out of which the food that goes into our minds is extracted. Napoleon Hill
The Weekend Wrap Up
Napoleon Hill is planted firmly on my mind due to Crystal at BigBrightBulb this week. She has been doing a series on Making a Million with 1000 True Fans, which has been fascinating both in it’s potential for each one of us, and for the discussions it brought forth. Make sure you catch the entire series and don’t miss the comment section! There were some great insights added there as well!
One of the key components of Napoleon Hill’s theories is the idea of building a Mastermind group of like-minded people to brainstorm with, share ideas and discussion and in doing so- build creativity and energy, making the whole of the group much greater than any of the individual parts on their own. I have watched many of the sites listed in my bloglog this week do just that. Many of the discussions, articles and comments have become interwoven and connected, the ideas and feelings creating an energy and a community that is becoming a being that is much greater than its individual parts. We are becoming our own Mastermind! That is a wonderful thing to behold. Take a moment to peek in on the conversations that have been going on and become a part of this wonderful community if you haven’t already. It’s a very friendly and welcoming group!
Speaking of that, you may notice that I have added a new name to the Blogroll this week. Tei over at Rogue Ink has been blogging just about as long as I have and she has some great things going on over there. It seems a little odd to be saying “For a good time, go check out Tei…” but I think it’s pretty accurate. Go over and say hi if you haven’t been there and tell her Wendi sent you.
Poetry Time
I chose this poem this week because the spring flowers are starting to come up in my yard and the first tulips and daffodils have burst into bloom all around me. It’s easier to have faith in doing what I know I should be doing this time of year when I see these amazing flowers emerging from the ground after pushing through the frozen winter ground to find the sun. Whatever the obstacles, we can make our way to springtime.
Thank you for being a part of this community and being a flower in this beautiful garden.
Daffodils - a poem by by William Wordsworth
I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.
The waves beside them danced, but they
Out-did the sparkling leaves in glee;
A poet could not be but gay,
In such a jocund company! I gazed—and gazed—but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
Please join the discussion!